


wondering where you are (you're so far away)

by unforgettablemagic



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Fluff, M/M, Swearing, angsty liam, awwwww
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 09:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unforgettablemagic/pseuds/unforgettablemagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn took a step back, but didn’t step down, despite Liam’s outburst. “I realize that, Liam. But you don’t even give us a chance to get to know you! We want to help you with whatever your problem is that’s holding you back from being with us! We want to include you and we want to start practicing and you’re apart of this band whether you like or not Liam and we need you, damnit!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	wondering where you are (you're so far away)

**Author's Note:**

> This is long and a lot more angsty and emotional than I was aiming for, but I guess that's what I get when I stay up until like, 12:30 to write. Oh well.

"This place is great, Harry!" Niall gushed, tossing his bag onto the bed and throwing himself down next to it. “It’s so warm and cozy and - hey, do you have food?!”

Harry snorted as he watch Niall fly off the bed and run into the kitchen, immediately digging into the kitchen and the cabinets.

The newly formed band had decided to stay at Harry’s step-dad’s place, using it as sort of a get away type thing so they could spend as much time getting comfortable as they could with each other. Louis was the easiest to adapt to his new band mates- the feathered haired boy was obviously very good at making friends; he was completely straight-forward and social. Niall was close behind him, he just wasn’t as in your face as Louis was. Harry was charming and lovely and such a smooth talker that he won everyone over instantly. It took Zayn a little while to get used to everyone- he wasn’t quite used to Louis’ loudness or Niall’s carefree attitude or Harry’s complete and uncanny ability to make anyone blush, despite their sexual orientation- but once he was comfortable, he was loud and funny and making jokes along with the other boys.

The only one who wasn’t even slightly comfortable with everyone else was the brown haired boy named Liam. Liam was quiet and shy and almost refused to meet anyone’s eyes when he was being spoken to. The other boys hadn’t heard him say anything past, “Hi, I’m Liam Payne.” or “Sorry to interrupt, but where’s the bathroom?”. The other boys were really kind of concerned that Liam didn’t even want to be in the band, especially since Liam had originally seemed set on becoming a solo artist.

They were all sitting around the campfire that they’d made outside of the cabin, despite the fact that it was a hot summer night. Niall had his guitar on his lap and he was strumming at it aimlessly, playing nonsense chords or random parts of old 90’s songs. Louis was sitting inbetween Zayn and Harry, telling them about his home life back in Doncaster animatedly, using his hands every time he talked. Harry and Zayn interjected at random times, laughing with each other. Liam sat near Niall, but was completely quiet. He stared into the fire as if he wished it would eat him up.

Completely unfocused on anything that wasn’t the fire, he failed to notice the worried looks the other boys were giving him. Niall would continuously look at Liam out of the corner of his eye, Louis would take long pauses from his stories to glance over at Liam, in turn making Harry and Zayn glance over as well.

Liam was completely in his own head, because he never once looked up at the boys or made any sign to say that he even acknowledged the other boys presence’s.

Eventually, his eyes started burning a little bit from gazing at the fire too long and he yawned and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. He looked up and saw Harry staring at him. Liam blushed a bit and stood up, brushing off the non-existent dust from his jeans. He muttered a, “I’m going to bed.” and nodded goodnight at the boys. Then he turned and walked into the cabin, shutting the door behind him without a second glance back.

As soon as the door shut, the atmosphere around the fire changed and so did the conversation.

The first words out of Harry’s mouth were, “I’m worried about Liam.”

The other boys nodded in agreement, and stared at the door of which Liam had just left.

“What do you think is wrong with him?” Niall asked, rhetorically, nibbling on his lower lip.

Louis answered anyway. “Can’t you see? He’s shy.”

Zayn snorted. “Okay, Lou. I think it’s more than just ‘he’s shy’. I feel like it’s a bit deeper than that.”

“It was just a guess.” Louis pouted, crossing his arms like a petulant child.

“Awww, Lou,” Harry cooed, running a hand through Louis’ hair. “That was a very good guess.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Zayn continued, shooting Harry and Louis a strange look. “He’s said nothing to us except tell us his name. We only know where he’s from because it was announced on the show. We don’t know anything about him, what he likes, or anything about his family. We don’t even know his fucking birthday.”

“Maybe…” Niall started. “Maybe he’s just one of those people who has a hard time making friends? Like, he has a hard time being comfortable around people?”

Harry nodded. “I guess that could be it.”

“Then we just have to include him in everything. In every meal. Every game. Every conversation.” Louis rambled, obviously excited about getting a new challenge.

“ _Louis_ , we want to befriend him, not give him an anxiety attack.” Harry sighed, petting Louis on the head. He knew Louis could be a bit overwhelming.

 

-

 

So that’s what they did- just not to Louis’ extreme. They made an extra effort to include Liam in whatever they did. Meals, conversations, even the occasional board game Harry had managed to snag from his house.

All of their attempts were met with nods, lowered eyes or one word answers. Only Niall had managed to get something out of him: his birthday- and even that had been a struggle.

Niall had walked up to Liam and sat down next to him on the ugly couch that was stationed in the living room in front of the tv. Niall had knocked his knee against Liam’s, earning him a strange look from the slightly older boy. “So, Liam, when’s your birthday?”

Liam had looked over his shoulder slightly and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Why?”

“Because, I’m curious.” Niall had smiled. “And besides, it could be coming up and we wouldn’t know and we would end up not being able to get you something and then we’d feel bad because you’re our friend and-“

Liam had cut him off, muttering an “August 29,” and turning up the tv, stopping any further conversation.

 

-

 

It had been a week since they’d set their plan into action, and nothing had really changed. Liam was still withdrawn and quiet, and it was driving the boy nearly mad. 

“At least we managed to get one thing out of him.” Harry offered helpfully, sitting down on Zayn’s bed. 

They had all gathered in Zayn’s room after Liam went to bed to talk about their failed attempts at making the Wolverhampton boy comfortable in their band.

“I don’t get it!” Louis threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “We’ve tried everything.” 

Zayn sighed. “Why don’t we try just talking to him?”

“Malik!” Louis exclaimed, swooping down and smacking a kiss loudly to Zayn’s cheek, ignoring the “Oi!” that came out of Zayn’s mouth. “You’re brilliant! And as the oldest, I will talk to him!”

Niall, Harry, and Zayn all shouted a resounding, “No!”, stopping Louis in his tracks. 

“We love you, Lou,” Harry said, pulling Louis into a hug after seeing Louis’  _‘i’m upset’_  face. “But, let’s face it: You’re not the most quiet.”

“Or subtle.” Niall interjected.

Louis huffed, blowing air up and ruffling his bangs slightly. “Fine. Then who’s going to talk to him?”

Zayn, who’d been quiet during the whole thing, spoke up. “I will.” 

Harry brightened. “Yeah, Zayn can do it. I mean if you think about it, Zayn is more like Liam than we are. And he’s definitely less loud and in your face.”

They all ignored Louis muttering,  _“somehow I feel that comment was aimed towards me,”_ and they ignored his pout as well.

“Cool, so it’s settled then. I’ll talk to him.” Zayn smiled, excited to try and help the quiet boy come out of his shell.

A few minutes of silence passed before Zayn glanced up and saw the other three looking at him expectantly. 

“What?” Zayn asked defensively. 

“Well?” Harry rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you going to talk to him?”

Zayn started. “Wha-Oh.  _Oh_ , you meant now?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah, mate. We kind of need him talking to us so we can rehearse and be even a smidgen bit ready for Judge’s Houses.”  

Zayn frowned. Niall was right. They’d spent so much time trying to include Liam in everything that they’d totally forgot that they were supposed to be practicing together. 

Zayn sighed, getting up and opening the door. 

He heard Louis shout a “Good luck!” at his back before he heard a smacking sound. Zayn smirked because Harry had probably gone and hit Louis in the face with a pillow.  _He deserved it_ , Zayn thought, laughing to himself as he made his way down the long hallway to Liam’s door. 

 

-

 

Liam laid in the comfortable bed, staring up at the ceiling. He wasn’t even remotely tired, and it was only about 10:30. Rubbing a hand over his face and sighing, he sat up and turned his light on, giving up on going to sleep.

He’d really just wanted to retreat to his room to get away from the other boys. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the other boys, that definitely wasn’t it. He liked the boys- and that’s what scared him. He’d had enough of liking people and having them turn on him when they were through using him. 

Fed up with people, he had turned to the one thing he knew wouldn’t turn on him. Music. Music is what kept him going when he felt like giving up; when felt like nothing was worth it anymore. 

 

—

 

Devastated was kind of an understatement on how he felt when he was turned away at Judges Houses his first go around. He was so excited when he’d first made it, and then to be turned away so abruptly had almost broken him. He’d nearly refused to go back to school the following year because he knew all he would hear from then on was how much of a failure he was, or how untalented he was, or how he was stupid to audition because no one would’ve bought his albums in the first place. 

And he hadn’t been wrong. The abuse had started as soon as the episodes had aired, sending him into a mental breakdown. He refused to talk to anyone, only going to school to keep up his attendance and grades. He walked with his head down in the halls and not looking up until he was safely in a room with a teacher. The only words that kept him going were Simon’s words that were always ringing in his ears; Simon telling him to go home, practice, and then come back. 

When the time came to audition again, Liam was nearly buzzing with excitement and anxiousness. He’d spent the last two years improving his voice and never giving up. The audition was what he’d been working towards. 

To make it through the audition, and to make Simon stand up for him, it was unbelievable. And that excitement and happiness carried over into the Bootcamp stage, and he was still vibing as he stood in the line to hear whether or not he was going to make it to the Judges Houses. And when his name wasn’t called, it took all his power to not collapse on the stage right there. 

He just merely kept a blank face and made his way to his things to get ready go home. But his heart did nearly stop when he heard his name called, and when he was told to go to the stage with four other boys. And to hear the words come out of Nicole’s mouth that all he had to do was stay in the band to make it through, he was desperate and ready to try anything.

 

—

 

And that was how he found himself, a week and a half later, staring out into the darkness of the wilderness behind the cabin. Liam hadn’t realized he’d been crying until he went to rub a hand over his face again. 

Frustrated, Liam rubbed at his eyes and willed the tears to go away. He was so focused on making his tears go away that he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard someone knock on his door.

Confused and irritated, he trudged across the room to the door, ready to shout an “I’m trying to sleep!” when he heard a soft voice say, “Liam? It’s Zayn. You awake?”

Liam’s heart stopped.  _Zayn._ That was another problem. He liked guys. And he liked Zayn. He knew better than to say anything though, because the last time he’d told someone about his preference, they’d gone and told the whole school and made the bullying worse. 

Light knocking brought Liam back to reality. Taking a deep breath, he reached for the doorknob and twisted it, pulling the door back andlooking at Zayn with what he hoped was a tired expression. 

“Yes?” his voiced was ragged, and Liam winced. He’d forgotten all about his mini crying session no more than three minutes ago.

“Liam, I- Have you been crying?” Zayn questioned, obviously concerned. 

Liam ducked his head, refusing to look Zayn in the eyes. “N-no.”

Liam heard Zayn sigh. “Liam, i’m not stupid. Your eyes are red and your voice is strained. What’s wrong? Why’ve you been crying?” 

Zayn began to sound more and more worried, and Liam wanted to tell him all of it- everything that had happened to him leading up to this point and-  _He’s not worried about you, Liam,_  the voice in his head sniped. _Don’t be ridiculous._

Liam closed his eyes and turned away from Zayn, cursing inwardly when he felt tears welling up again. “No reason. Go back to bed, Zayn.” 

“Liam…” Zayn trailed off.

“No, Zayn.” Liam’s voice quivered, but he ignored it. “Just go back to bed and please leave me alone.”

He expected to hear Zayn sigh and give up and leave- he  _hoped_  Zayn would leave so he could cry in peace. But the dark haired boy refused to leave. In fact, he walked up behind Liam and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“No, Liam,” Zayn said quietly. “I’m not going to leave you alone. In fact, I’m not going to leave until you speak to me. You’ve said almost nothing this entire week and it’s worrying all of us. We care about you Liam, just talk to-“

Liam whirled around, his eyes ablaze. “You care about me?! _You care about me?!_  You don’t even know me!” 

Zayn took a step back, but didn’t step down, despite Liam’s outburst. “I realize that, Liam. But you don’t even give us a chance to get to know you! We  _want_  to help you with whatever your problem is that’s holding you back from being with us! We _want_  to include you and we want to start practicing and you’re apart of this band whether you like or not Liam and we  _need_  you, damnit!”

“You want to know what my problem is?” Liam growled. Zayn’s eyes widened and he bit back his response. He hadn’t meant to piss Liam off, but if it got him talking, then so be it. “My problem is that I don’t trust people Zayn. I’ve learned to not trust people because anytime I do, my secrets magically find themselves to every single person in school and I get bullied and made fun of and beaten up because of them. I’ve learned not to trust people because every time I do, they just end up taking what they want from me and leaving me when they’re done. My problem is that I refuse to believe that anyone actually cares about me, so I apologize if I find it hard to believe that four boys that I just met  _two weeks ago_ actually want to care about me! I apologize if i’m not used to that!”

Zayn stood there, slack jawed at Liam’s monologue. He had no idea the quiet, sweet boy had gone through so much. No wonder Liam didn’t want to share anything about himself with four other boys he didn’t really know. For all Liam knew, Zayn, Niall, Louis and Harry could very well just use Liam to get through the competition and then kick him out when they won, or lost. Obviously that’s not even close to what the boys wanted, but Zayn could understand Liam’s insecurities and doubts about the whole thing.

Liam threw sat down on the edge of the bed and buried his head in his hands. His shoulders shook with the sobs he had to physically hold back, and tears ran down his face. Zayn’s heart broke a little when he saw the brown eyed boy in front of him.

Zayn’s heart completely shattered when Liam whispered the words, “How do I know that you guys only want me to help you through the competition? How do I know that you guys won’t kick me out when you guys win- or lose?”

On impulse, Zayn rushed forward and scooped up the younger boy in his arms and set him in his lap. He rocked him back and forth, soothing Liam through his heart wrenching sobs. Zayn felt tears prick at his own eyes, but he forced them back; right now it was all about Liam.

“Shhh,” Zayn whispered into Liam’s hair, rocking them back and forth. “It’s okay, love. Shhh.” 

Eventually, Liam’s sobs reduced to sniffles, but Zayn refused to let go of the younger boy. 

Zayn’s voice broke the silence. “Liam, look at me.”

Liam shook his head and dug his face into Zayn’s shoulder.

“Li,” Zayn said softly. “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, Liam pulled away from the warmness and comfort of Zayn’s shoulder to look Zayn in the eyes. Zayn’s heart continued to break into even smaller pieces when he saw how red the other boy’s eyes were. He wiped the remaining tears away with the pad of his thumb, and then spoke, his voice low. 

“Liam, I don’t care what happened in the past. Louis, Niall and Harry don’t care either. All we care about is what is happening now. We also care about you, Liam. Oh, don’t give me that look- it’s true. We aren’t going to leave you, and we aren’t going to make fun of you. You can trust us. And i’m going to spend every single day trying to prove to you that you can trust us. You’re just as important to this band as I am, or Louis is. Do you understand? You’re important to  _me_ , Liam.” Zayn took a deep breathe and watched Liam’s eyes fill with tears once more.

_Shit,_  Zayn swore inwardly. He hadn’t meant to make Liam cry again. 

“No, Li.” Zayn cooed, pulling Liam into another hug and rubbing his back. “Don’t cry.  I don’t like it when you cry. You’re too beautiful to cry.”

And Liam froze, and Zayn cursed everything and anything for his stupid slip up. “Wait, Li- I didnt-“

Liam pulled away slightly, rubbing at his extremely red eyes. “Did- did you mean that?”

Zayn looked down at the boy in his lap. “Mean what, Li?”

Liam blushed and looked down, “What you said. About caring about me, and… and that i’m beautiful..?”

And  _fuck,_  Liam sounded so hopeful but so heartbroken at the same time and Zayn just wanted to kiss his pain away and show him that he deserved to be loved. 

So he did just that. He tucked his fingers under Liam’s chin, bringing up so Liam looked him in the eyes. “Of course I meant it, Liam. Me and the lads; we do care about you. And, you are beautiful.” Zayn swooped down and captured Liam’s mouth in a sweet, reassuring kiss. 

Zayn pulled away after a few seconds, and glanced at Liam to see the younger boy blushing bright red.

“Zayn?” Liam whispered.

“Yeah, Li?” Zayn asked, absentmindedly running his fingers through Liam’s soft locks.

“‘m tired.” Liam proceeded to snuggle into Zayn’s chest like a puppy, and Zayn mentally cooed at how adorable Liam is. Zayn giggled and kissed Liam on the fore head. 

“Then lets get you in bed,” Zayn stood up, Liam still in his arms, and turned around and placed the other boy on the bed and tucked him in, pulling the covers over his chin. 

Zayn murmured a “Night, Li-Li,” and went to leave when he felt a hand encircle his wrist. He turned around and saw that Liam’s hand was what stopped him. “Yes, Liam?”

Liam peeked out from under the covers, pleading eyes staring up at Zayn. “Stay with me? Please?”

The corners of Zayn’s mouth quirked upwards, and he pulled his shoes, socks and pants off, leaving him in his shirt and boxers. He pulled back the covers and settled in. As soon as the covers were covering them both again, Liam latched onto Zayn like a lifeline, snuggling into the older boys chest. 

Smiling slightly, Zayn rested a hand on Liam’s back and ran his other hand through Liam’s hair, soothing the boy to sleep. Zayn followed him not long after that.

 

-

 

“So, Hazza,” Louis said, splaying himself ontop of Harry’s lap. “How do you think Zayn is doing with dear old Leemmoo?”

Harry shrugged, shoving the older boy off his lap and onto the floor. “Dunno. Go check, Louis.” 

“No, Haz. Why don’t you go check.”

“No, Lou. You should-“ 

Niall stood up abruptly, ending their argument. “I’ll go check!” He volunteered. Anything to get away from those weirdos.

Niall made his way to Liam’s room and stood next to the door and pressed his ear against it. He didn’t hear anything. Maybe that was a good sign? He quietly turned the knob and pushed the door open, immediately noticing that the light was off. Stepping further into the room, he saw what looked to be like two figures laying on Liam’s bed. 

Smirking to himself, Niall backed out of the room and shut the door quietly behind him. He walked back into the living room to find Harry tossing pillow’s at Louis while Louis chanted something that sounded strangely like Shakespeare at Harry.

“I don’t think we have to worry about Liam anymore, boys.” Niall announced, and walked back to his room, muttering a _“fucking werido’s”_  under his breath when he was out of Louis’ and Harry’s earshot.

 

 


End file.
